Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The letter M.

I love the letter M, many great words start with it. Off the top of my head I can think of three: Mommy, Macroons, and a certain friend whose name starts with the letter M. All great things - all things that I will miss dearly when I go to Africa in EXACTLY 1 WEEK (well, technically 6 days, 23 hours, and 13 minutes until the entire adventure beings, but who's counting!?)

Today started with an early morning dental appointment, the last for the next two years. Ironically, at the end of the appointment they asked me if I wanted to schedule my next visit (they're usually 6 months apart.) I was a bit surprised because I had spend the last half hour struggling through a mouth full of tools to explain to the hygienist where I was going and what I would be doing with the Peace Corps for the next two years. With complete nonchalance she clicked through the calendar to August 2013 (the month I return from the PC) and said "which days works best for you?" Is it weird that having a dental appointment scheduled for when I return makes me feel a bit better about going? It all goes back to the idea that "two years is not forever and I will be back...eventually."

So far, packing is going better than expected. If it hadn't been for my friend whose name starts with the letter M I probably would have had more melt-downs than I did. It seems that I've forgotten how to shop for myself properly because I was completely overwhelmed at each store I went to. Most people who know me will say that I'm relatively calm and collected, even under pressure - well, not today my friend, not today. In between trying to find suitable luggage and stocking up on pepto-bismol, I realized that in order to maintain sanity throughout this process, I just have to focus on all the things I'm taking with me that don't fit into my luggage. I know that I'm a quick learner and highly adaptable (or so I'd like to think) and that I can be very resourceful if need be. I'm hoping these attributes make up for the fact that I plan on trying to stuff as much underwear as I can into my luggage. We all have our vices, mine is underwear.

Without the support of all my amazing friend and family I would definitely not be where I am today. I am who I am because of them and I will miss them every day that I am gone. I'm doing this to not only enrich my life, but hopefully enrich theirs. Another great lady, Marsha* Gay Hardin (*also with an M) spoke at commencement last year and while I don't remember most of her speech, I do remember her saying: "Go forth and find your joy." I plan on doing just that. Wish me luck y'all!


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Prologues and Epiloges

At this point in my life, I feel like I am very much in an "inbetween." Having just graduated a few days ago, I am now at home preparing for the next book in my life known as "From Texas to Togo, An adventure with the Peace Corps." I'm not exactly sure how it's going to go, but I am hopeful that I will at least survive the experience and maybe even learn a thing or two.

I'm trying really hard not to get stressed out by packing lists and going away parties and making sure all my affairs are in order. I know that I have the support of all of my friends and family (well, most of them...some of my extended family in Iran seem to think I'm literally insane for leaving an American life to live in Africa) and that makes me feel 100 times better. My current worries are whether or not I will be able to limit myself to packing only 80lbs and also if I actually know any french (because I feel like I know nothing...absolutely nothing.)

I am looking forward to a lot of things though, mostly traveling to Africa and meeting all of the other PCVs that will be working with me for the next two years. I wonder if everybody else is feeling the same things I am right now, and I'm guessing most are. If I had to describe it, it's a mixture of nervous anticipation, excitement, nausea, and a bit of hopefulness. I'm hopeful that as one good experience ends, another will begin. I left Austin yesterday, leaving behind many memories and friends. I had some of my best friends with me towards the end of it all, so the transition was a bit smoother, but it was still hard to leave such an amazing city. I honestly don't think that I would have even applied to the Peace Corps had I not lived in Austin and gone to UT. Aside from all of the courses and labs, and as clichéd as this sounds, I really did learn A LOT about myself as an individual. Austin and UT allowed me to be myself without having to censor any part of me and through all the experiences I had I think that I have a much stronger sense of who I am. Going into my next experience, I can only imagine how important a strong sense of "self" will be, and in my opinion, it is the most valuable thing I am taking with me. I may not know a lot about Public Health or the french language, but what I do know is that I am an optimistic and bright individual who is capable of giving and loving and many other wonderful things.

For anyone reading this blog (and I hope some people are) I will do my best to post entries about my life and feelings while abroad as often as possible. I can't make any guarantees, and I will admit that I have an awful track record with writing blogs, but I think that once life starts happening, I will have more to say. I think the reason I have failed to write about my life in the past is that I didn't view many of my experiences as "things to chronicle to remember forever" but rather "experiences that help shape my own identity," and admittedly, the meaning of the latter is much harder to put into words.

Here goes nothing!!

Love,
ARO

Sunday, May 01, 2011

I am a lucky boy.

Warning: Contains explicit language.

Instead of studying for my last Cell Biology midterm (which I need to pass in order to graduate, ironically) I'm struck with the fact that in exactly 5 weeks I will be in Africa. Needless to say I've been distracted by the internet, reading blog after blog after packing list from all of the prospective PCVs leaving this summer. Some people have already packed and some are already writing beautifully eloquent blog posts about their feelings and expectations for this experience. So far, I have packed absolutely nothing and I'm having serious doubts about my abilities to even express myself coherently under pressure. "Why do you think this Ryan, you must have been able to do something right or else you wouldn't have been selected to join the PC!?" It was a fluke, trust me! I'm going to arrive in Africa and everyone will realize that I barely speak french and that I'm sorely incapable of living with spiders and snakes and that all I really good at is making origami cranes.

Yesterday, I was speaking with a dear friend about what it would be like if we could record every conscious thought and so this is my attempt at that experiment starting with the thought "30 days to go (ha ha, to go - Togo, get it. Shit, I haven't even started yet...)

Well, I wonder what it will be like to finally get to philly and meet all the other PCVs going to Togo. I'm sure they're all probably thinking the same thing I am which is "holy fucking hell, I'm going to be living in Africa, wtf." That is a comforting thought. You know what else is comforting, peanut butter, I need to make sure I buy a lot before I go. Gosh, there is so much that I have to do before I leave, I can't even start thinking about it. What if I just show up in Philadeliphia with nothing but a backpack, I wonder what the other people would think of me they'd probably just laugh and say how screwed I was (in french) and then I would probably barf in their face and realize that I'm going to be living in fucking africa where there are snakes and spiders and HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO AFRICA, what am I doing, why am I agreeing to this!!?? I can barely speak french beyond describing what kind of movie I like to watch. people die in africa, I can't die before I visit new york and there is so much I want to eat before I die, how sad is it that all I want to do is eat, it is my comfort!

So yes, to sum it all up in all of it's ungrammatical glory, I am a melodramatic fatty who is afraid of spiders and apparently also afraid of packing. Well, we'll see what happens.

At the end of the day, I try and focus on a few simple thoughts:

- Two years is not forever. And if you die at least you'll have lived.
- There are SO many people who love you and know that you will succeed. You can rely on them and they will always be there for you even if you fail at this.
- Wanting to come back home won't be considered failure, not giving this experience a chance though, would be.
- You're bright, and capable, and SMART, and you have what it takes even if you don't know where punctuation goes some of the time! (Repeat x3 daily.)

Cross your fingers for me y'all.

Love,
ARO