Warning: Contains explicit language.
Instead of studying for my last Cell Biology midterm (which I need to pass in order to graduate, ironically) I'm struck with the fact that in exactly 5 weeks I will be in Africa. Needless to say I've been distracted by the internet, reading blog after blog after packing list from all of the prospective PCVs leaving this summer. Some people have already packed and some are already writing beautifully eloquent blog posts about their feelings and expectations for this experience. So far, I have packed absolutely nothing and I'm having serious doubts about my abilities to even express myself coherently under pressure. "Why do you think this Ryan, you must have been able to do something right or else you wouldn't have been selected to join the PC!?" It was a fluke, trust me! I'm going to arrive in Africa and everyone will realize that I barely speak french and that I'm sorely incapable of living with spiders and snakes and that all I really good at is making origami cranes.
Yesterday, I was speaking with a dear friend about what it would be like if we could record every conscious thought and so this is my attempt at that experiment starting with the thought "30 days to go (ha ha, to go - Togo, get it. Shit, I haven't even started yet...)
Well, I wonder what it will be like to finally get to philly and meet all the other PCVs going to Togo. I'm sure they're all probably thinking the same thing I am which is "holy fucking hell, I'm going to be living in Africa, wtf." That is a comforting thought. You know what else is comforting, peanut butter, I need to make sure I buy a lot before I go. Gosh, there is so much that I have to do before I leave, I can't even start thinking about it. What if I just show up in Philadeliphia with nothing but a backpack, I wonder what the other people would think of me they'd probably just laugh and say how screwed I was (in french) and then I would probably barf in their face and realize that I'm going to be living in fucking africa where there are snakes and spiders and HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO AFRICA, what am I doing, why am I agreeing to this!!?? I can barely speak french beyond describing what kind of movie I like to watch. people die in africa, I can't die before I visit new york and there is so much I want to eat before I die, how sad is it that all I want to do is eat, it is my comfort!
So yes, to sum it all up in all of it's ungrammatical glory, I am a melodramatic fatty who is afraid of spiders and apparently also afraid of packing. Well, we'll see what happens.
At the end of the day, I try and focus on a few simple thoughts:
- Two years is not forever. And if you die at least you'll have lived.
- There are SO many people who love you and know that you will succeed. You can rely on them and they will always be there for you even if you fail at this.
- Wanting to come back home won't be considered failure, not giving this experience a chance though, would be.
- You're bright, and capable, and SMART, and you have what it takes even if you don't know where punctuation goes some of the time! (Repeat x3 daily.)
Cross your fingers for me y'all.
Love,
ARO
Instead of studying for my last Cell Biology midterm (which I need to pass in order to graduate, ironically) I'm struck with the fact that in exactly 5 weeks I will be in Africa. Needless to say I've been distracted by the internet, reading blog after blog after packing list from all of the prospective PCVs leaving this summer. Some people have already packed and some are already writing beautifully eloquent blog posts about their feelings and expectations for this experience. So far, I have packed absolutely nothing and I'm having serious doubts about my abilities to even express myself coherently under pressure. "Why do you think this Ryan, you must have been able to do something right or else you wouldn't have been selected to join the PC!?" It was a fluke, trust me! I'm going to arrive in Africa and everyone will realize that I barely speak french and that I'm sorely incapable of living with spiders and snakes and that all I really good at is making origami cranes.
Yesterday, I was speaking with a dear friend about what it would be like if we could record every conscious thought and so this is my attempt at that experiment starting with the thought "30 days to go (ha ha, to go - Togo, get it. Shit, I haven't even started yet...)
Well, I wonder what it will be like to finally get to philly and meet all the other PCVs going to Togo. I'm sure they're all probably thinking the same thing I am which is "holy fucking hell, I'm going to be living in Africa, wtf." That is a comforting thought. You know what else is comforting, peanut butter, I need to make sure I buy a lot before I go. Gosh, there is so much that I have to do before I leave, I can't even start thinking about it. What if I just show up in Philadeliphia with nothing but a backpack, I wonder what the other people would think of me they'd probably just laugh and say how screwed I was (in french) and then I would probably barf in their face and realize that I'm going to be living in fucking africa where there are snakes and spiders and HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO AFRICA, what am I doing, why am I agreeing to this!!?? I can barely speak french beyond describing what kind of movie I like to watch. people die in africa, I can't die before I visit new york and there is so much I want to eat before I die, how sad is it that all I want to do is eat, it is my comfort!
So yes, to sum it all up in all of it's ungrammatical glory, I am a melodramatic fatty who is afraid of spiders and apparently also afraid of packing. Well, we'll see what happens.
At the end of the day, I try and focus on a few simple thoughts:
- Two years is not forever. And if you die at least you'll have lived.
- There are SO many people who love you and know that you will succeed. You can rely on them and they will always be there for you even if you fail at this.
- Wanting to come back home won't be considered failure, not giving this experience a chance though, would be.
- You're bright, and capable, and SMART, and you have what it takes even if you don't know where punctuation goes some of the time! (Repeat x3 daily.)
Cross your fingers for me y'all.
Love,
ARO
"I'm having serious doubts about my abilities to even express myself coherently under pressure."
ReplyDeleteWhat pressure? Here: I am a American female of mixed heritage. No part of my heritage or upbringing is Togolese or even remotely African. Write to ME. I want to LEARN.
You're so passionate about teaching and spreading your good word and experiences, so just sit back, chill out, and tell me a story. Nothing more, nothing less. Unlike what has occurred in your most recent years of life, none of what you write or say will be graded.
Spread your wisdom and love to those you meet, those you've left at home, and those readers whose names you may never know but whose lives you have the chance of positively influencing anyway.
Love,
Me